What a Grieving Child Wants

1) I want someone who will listen to me when I speak and not tell me that what I’m saying is wrong or that I shouldn’t be feeling what I feel.

2) I want someone who will talk to me, honestly and with compassion. I don’t want to be talked at or ignored.

3) I want people to understand that I, along with my parents and other family members, have lost someone I love very much.

4) I don’t want my pain compared to my mother’s or father’s. You may think they feel worse than I do, but unless you are me today, going through this terrible nightmare, you don’t know how I feel.

5) I want my teachers to understand that even though it may not seem like it, I am doing the best I can. It’s hard for me to focus on schoolwork or anything else right now. But how can I tell you about my sorrow and fears and confusion, when I’m not sure myself what’s going on?

6) I want someone to look me in the eye when they speak to me.

7) I don’t want anyone telling me I have to be strong for my mother, father, sisters, brother, or anyone else. I don’t know what that means. Are you telling me I shouldn’t cry? Are you telling me I shouldn’t feel? When someone so important to me has died, what does being strong mean?

8) I want someone to tell me what it is like to grieve. I want someone who will help me understand what this is and if I will survive.

9) I want to talk to someone my own age so that I will know I am not the only one and that I will survive.

10) And most of all, I want your unconditional love, compassions, understanding, and patience.

-Virginia A. Simpson, Ph.D., CT, 12-12-02