Saturday, December 31, 2011

A New Year...already?

While it feels like the rest of the world is celebrating this New Years Eve, I'm thinking about 2011.

I've said it before and will say it again...A part of my life stopped on April 8th, 2011 and the world continued to move on without me.

Where have the past months gone?

How can it be that Zach's death anniversary is so close?

Will the heartache I feel ever ease up?

What can I do to help others so they don't make the same choice?

So many things have gone through my head today...I just can't believe in less than an hour it will be a new year...

I decided to ask my family if they would like to join me in a special New Years balloon release for Zach.
They did.

We each wrote a note to Zach...

Part of mine read... "I wish I could hold you in my arms."

If you have thought about suicide, please think about this simple sentence.

You may think that no one will miss you, no one would wish to hold you in their arms...I'm here to tell you, you are WRONG.
You are LOVED!  More than you may ever know.

You bring HAPPINESS to those who love and know you!

Things WILL get better!

Please reach out for help.
Please don't make the same decision as Zach and so many others have.

Please read my words, feel my pain and CHOOSE LIFE.
PLEASE ask for help!

Please call 911 or 1-800-273-TALK.

It's a New Year.
Things WILL get better.
You may not feel it right now...but LOVE SURROUNDS YOU!

My hope and goal for 2012 is to spread awareness for suicide prevention and education.
I vow to use my experience, pain and tears to help others.
I hope one of those people is you.

Happy New Year,

Zach's Mom 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas in Heaven by Unknown

How beautiful and true this poem is for those of us with loved ones in Heaven.

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like Heaven's stars
reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
please wipe away that tear
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
but the sound of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
of the Joy their voices bring
for it is beyond description
to hear the Angels sing

I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

I can't tell you of the splendor
or the Peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas
with our Savior face to face?

I'll ask him to lift your spirit
as I tell him of your love
so then pray for one another
as you lift your eyes above

Please let your hearts be joyful
and let your spirit sing
for I am spending Christmas in Heaven
and I'm walking with the King

From one grieving family to another, my thoughts, prayers and love are with you this Christmas season.

Zach's Mom

Christmas in Heaven - Devotion by Greg Laurie

I received this today and wanted to share it with you.

"Christmas in Heaven" Harvest Weekend Devotion for 12/24/2011

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Christmas is a day of joy. But for me and my family, it is also tinged
with sadness, because it is a day when Christopher's absence is
intensely felt.

I have to tell you, Topher loved Christmas! It was always a big deal
to him as a little boy, and when he became a father, he wanted it to
be a big deal for his daughters. He always was so thoughtful in his
choice of gifts and often made them by hand, which was always a
special treat for me. He also had fantastic "wrapping skills," which I
am completely devoid of.

On that first Christmas night, while the shepherds kept watch over
their flocks, the angel brought this good news: "Do not be afraid, for
behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all
people" (Luke 2:10).

This is how heaven celebrated the first Christmas. On this holy night,
in effect, heaven momentarily came to earth. Heaven and earth are
always co-existing, but sometimes they can seem worlds apart and other
times separated by only a thin veil. When tragedy hits, when illness
prevails, heaven can sometimes seem distant.

But when we join the angels in worship, and see God in His greatness,
heaven can seem so very, very close. For us as believers, we are just
a heartbeat away from heaven right now. As David put it, "There is but
a step between me and death" (1 Samuel 20:3).

Christmas in heaven is better than Christmas on earth. It is pure
bliss. Not twinkling lights, but the radiant light of heaven itself.
Not metal angels on trees, but real, holy angels of God all around.

You see, in heaven there is peace. On earth there is war. In heaven
there is perfect harmony. On earth there is often friction among
family and friends. In heaven, feasting and perfection. On earth there
is fattening food and expanding waistlines.

We don't need to sorrow for our loved ones who are celebrating
Christmas in heaven, but we do sorrow for ourselves over their

Today, however, remember to let the ones on earth you love know it.
Tell them verbally. Because you never know if you or I or someone we
hold dear might be in heaven next Christmas.

So have a blessed and merry Christmas day.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The News Stories I Haven't Shared...

Even today, Eight months after Zach's suicide I have a hard time watching the local news coverage done on Zach & Halee's death.

I'd like to share it with you now.

Please reach out for help!
Be the help someone needs!
You could be saving a life!

Monday, December 5, 2011


We all hurt.
We all cry.
We all need to be loved...even if we think we don't deserve it, need it or want it.

I cry often.
I cry out for my son.
I cry his name.
I cry "Why?"

I hurt all the time.
I feel as if I have a hole in the center of my chest.

I'm not the only one.
My husband, my daughters, my sisters, my mother...
Zach's friends.
We all hurt together.

With the holidays quickly approaching I ask that you reach out to someone in need.
If you are the person in need reach out for help.

Suicide is not the answer.


If you or someone you know is considering suicide,
There is HELP!
Please make that call!

Call 911 or 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)