Thursday, January 3, 2013

My Letter to You

Dear Reader,
First I want to apologize for my absence.  Part of it was due to my work schedule and part of it was due to my own pain of facing the holidays for the second time without my son Zachary.
Probably not very "professional", but I, like most of you am a regular person, living the life I am now forced to live without my son and sometimes it's hard to be open...especially when all you want to say is...
"This isn't fair!" 
"This isn't right!"
"I just want my child back!"
"Why? Why? Why?"
I'm not sure why, but this holiday season was much harder than the first.  I thought it would be easier, but it was much, much harder.  I spoke with others about this and they agreed that the second holiday was harder than the first.  Maybe it's because the first feels like they are away, but you have that feeling that they're still coming back...and by the second you realize that your loved one isn't coming back and this is now your holiday celebration.  I don't know...I can't really explain that feeling. 
I also felt a bit out of touch.  As though I didn't really want to put myself out there over this holiday season.  I spent a lot of time keeping myself as busy as I possibly could.  Probably not the "right" way to handle the pain, but it's what came natural and got me through.

I hope you understand and continue to watch for my future blog posts and check in with us at Facebook.  
I appreciate your time, apologize for my absence and thank you for being here.  
Zach's Mom