Saturday, July 9, 2011

3 months have passed...


I'm not sure where 3 months have gone...
I've never gone an entire week without talking to Zach and now I can talk all I want but I don't hear anything back.

The effects of Zach's suicide run deep in our family.
We all hurt so much.

It seems a Friday can't pass me by without looking at the clock and seeing 11:43 am...the moment I received a text from my sister asking me to call Zach because he wouldn't answer his door.

I think about how my legs went numb...felt as though they were cut off and I couldn't hold myself up when I heard the news that Zach was gone.

I think about the pain and the tears I see in his young sisters eyes.

The anger stage of grief has hit me.
I can't quite explain what I'm mad at...I'm just mad.
I'm mad that Zach is gone.
One day I thought "I wish I could just scream and throw a temper tantrum like a child and get my way...get Zach back."
I know though that no matter how much I kick and scream Zach won't be returned to me on earth.

I think about all of Zach's friends.
There have been so many that have needed professional help since his death.
I know Zach would never had wanted to impose this much pain on so many people.

While I may be rambling in this post...My hope is that these words...these raw feelings can help someone else.  I hope that my openness and honesty will touch your life in a way that inspires you to not only choose life always, but choose to help others.



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