I Choose...

I saw this today and wanted to share it with all of you.

A year passed....

A year has passed since Zach's death. 

I'm  not sure where the past year has gone or how I've mustered the strength to do the things I have done and where the strength was when I needed it but didn't have it.

Easter Sunday fell on April 8th this year.  My family and I celebrated Easter by eating at Zach's favorite restaurant, Joe's Crab Shack.  We also purchased and planted several flowers in his garden as well as some little garden "treasures" that reminded us of him.  Each of us spent time crying and laughing as we shared stories about Zach.

April 19th marked 1 year since Zach's funeral.  I felt fortunate to spend that day at Chalene Johnson's PUSH Live event in LA.  Some grieving parents wouldn't dream of doing something so fun on such a sad, sad day.  However, for me, I wanted to do something that would uplift me and in turn uplift my family.  And it did just that.  While I was there I learned a lot...a lot about personal development, a lot about why I'm doing what I'm doing...or not doing.  While there we were asked a question.  I came up with an answer that I've been telling myself is true, even though I know it's not.

The question was:  "Do you believe that "fear" may be holding you back from doing some of the things you know you need to do?"

My answer: "Some.  Maybe if I'm happy people will think I stopped thinking about Zach -- which could NEVER happen.  Maybe others will forget him or not bring up his name because they will think I don't think about him.  Maybe others will forget my amazing and loving son.  That scares me.  I don't want people to forget him and I don't want people to think that I've forgotten him."

I wonder how many other people think this way.  How do we break this train of thought?  If I had the opportunity to call Zach in Heaven today and ask him, "Is it okay if I am 'happy' or do something 'fun'?"  He would say, "YES!!  I'm happy, you should be too."  Instead I sit back and worry about the judgement of other grieving parents and I shouldn't...and neither should you!!

I'm not suggesting that we will "get over our loved ones death".  That's simply not possible.  What I'm suggesting is that we take steps forward to live the best possible life we can and honor our loved ones by helping those who come into our lives. 

I'm writing this today because I want everyone who ever stumbles upon this blog to know, that I am going to live the rest of my life being the best parent, wife, Christian, business owner and friend I can possibly be.  Will I have days of overwhelming sadness?  Most certainly...but I'm also going to allow myself to have days of overwhelming happiness.  I'm going to listen, learn and grow.  I'm going to use my experience and honor my son's memory by helping as many people as I can.  I don't expect it all to come together overnight, but I do expect it to come together as well as it possibly can.

I didn't ask for this "purpose" in my life, but I've learned that if talking to others comes easy for me, which many times it does, then I should do it and I encourage you to do it as well.

When it comes to suicide awareness and prevention...or a cause you believe in, the best asset we have is our mouth and our experience.  I feel it is our responsibility to help those who come into our lives and need us. 

As I do in most every blog, if you are reading this and YOU feel suicidal or that no one cares or have read this thinking, "See my family will be okay after I'm gone."  Please KNOW that, you couldn't be more wrong!  I am not "Okay" without my son.  As a mother, I feel broken.  I probably always will.  I feel as though I have a huge hole in the center of my heart.  I cry out for him, I wish so much I could change the situation I am in.  I hope and pray...I BEG you to reach out for help.  Please don't make a decision that will forever hurt and shatter your family.  YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE!  WE DESERVE TO HAVE YOU!  You are LOVED!  You are NEEDED!  Do you know someone SMILES when they think of you?  It's true!

Please make the call to get help! 

Call 911 or 1-800-273-8255. 

They are there 24 hours a day/7 days a week. 

If YOU know someone who needs help, make that call FOR YOUR FRIEND!!  You will NEVER regret saving his/her life!

- Melissa

Zach's Mom

Angels...

One Year Ago...Remembering Halee

I can't help it...I've been watching the clock like a hawk watches prey since yesterday morning.  Retracing Halee and Zach's steps...wondering what made her decide that April 6th would be her last day on earth.  I wondered how many times she laughed, how many time Zach laughed that day. 

As 10pm came and went in my California time zone I knew that one year ago Halee laid in Zach's arms, told him she loved him and left him two beautiful photos of herself. 

As midnight passed in my time zone I knew Halee was on her way home, to end her life.

So many rumors surrounded her death...and later the death of my son Zach.

To clear up a few...There was no fight between Halee and Zach.  Zach did not break off his date with Halee to the prom, Halee did not tell Zach she was going to end her life and this was not a planned "suicide pact."

Like anyone else here on earth who loved Halee, had Zach known what Halee was going to do, he wouldn't have let her leave that night.  He would have followed her home and told someone.  He would have held her down with his two arms to keep her safe...

One year ago my son's heart was broken along with hundreds of others.  He cried and cried...I could hardly make out the words he was saying to me...I kept asking him, "What?" "What?" 

One year ago...my life changed.  I had no idea just how much it would change until I received my own phone call on April 8th that my son had been found...he was already gone.

From my broken heart, I beg and plead that you reach out and help someone in need!  DON'T leave them alone!  If you are afraid they may hurt themselves...STAY with them, call the police, tell your parents, friends, family...ANYONE!  Don't leave them alone!

If you, yourself are feeling suicidal, please, reach out for help.  Don't stay in and alone.  REACH OUT!  PLEASE!  You have are LOVED and NEEDED by sooo many!  You may think that no one cares, but everyone cares! 

Please call 1-800-273-TALK or 911 and get some help! 

 By you reaching out for help and receiving help you may one day help someone else!

Zach's 2nd Annual Fundraiser Auction to Raise Money for Suicide Awareness and Prevention Programs

                "Team Zach's Friends" at the Upland, CA 2011 Out of the Darkness walk.



Last June we decided to host an auction on our business fan page in memory of Zach to raise money for our 2011 Out of the Darkness walk.  The auction was a success and we ended up raising $500 towards our walk.

We decided to make it an annual fundraiser.  We have been collecting donations from businesses for the past month and just completed putting them together for our fundraiser and WOW!  This year we already have 81 products! 

The auction opens at 1/2 the retail price of the item being donated and bidding is in $1.00 increments. 

How to bid...

If you are intersted in joining us, please click the auction link here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/media/set/?set=a.10150629557181842.413111.113954616841&type=1 

If you see an item you'd like to bid on, simply type in the dollar amount you'd like to bid along with your Paypal address.  If you are the winning bidder on March 9th an invoice will be sent to you via Paypal.

If you don't use Paypal, simply type in your dollar amount bid and type "Private Sale".  I will then set up a private sale for you on our secure website so you can pay with a credit card.

Where do the donations go?

We are donating 1/2 the money to our 2012 Out of the Darkness walk and the other 1/2 to ZachsFriends.org for suicide awareness/anti-bullying programs, materials, bracelets, etc...

The auction will run through March 9th. 

Are we still accepting donations? 

Yes, we will continue to accept donations through Friday, Feb. 24th.

At this time I believe we have 5 donations that have just come in and will be posted today.

Please help us spread the word about this auction and the importance of suicide prevention and suicide prevention programs. 

Every click brings awareness to another person and every purchase helps fund these needed programs.

Thank you,

Melissa

Zach's Mom

and Owner

Little Diva Tutus, LLC

National Suicide Prevention Hotline Photo Campaign

I noticed a fellow mother grieving the loss of her son posted a photo of a reason why you should call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline if in need and wondered what it was all about.

I must say that I think this "photo campaign" as I call it is truly inspiring and I wanted to share it with you.

I added this photo today...

There truly are a million reasons to call.

It has always been my mission to show you and tell you that you are WORTH the call!

You are LOVED!

You are NEEDED!

You bring a SMILE to the face of others!

YOU ARE NOT a FAILURE!

You DESERVE to SEE what the REST OF YOUR LIFE looks like!

If you or someone you know is considering suicide PLEASE MAKE THAT CALL!!

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Because you are WORTH it and I WISH with all my might my son would have called.

Please visit the National Suicide Prevention Facebook Page Here: http://www.facebook.com/800273TALK  to see the photos.



Never Forget How Loved You Are...